Random Things I Think Could Come To The UK In 2022 (This Is A Jokey Post)

So I thought I’d share a light-hearted blog post after last nights announcement. I hope you laugh as much as I did writing these out (with some help from Ant, of course). 

Alton Towers New Planning Application:

It seems Big Bob is expected to receive an upgrade and receive some whopping pair of guns (arms) for the next season. I believe they will feature special elements and will become flame throwers to enhance the overall fire aspect of the ride.

Flamingo Land is Getting A Rebrand:

It turns out that 2022 will see Flamingo Land renamed to Pigeon Land. The park has decided that Flamingos are far too mainstream for 2022 & are hoping the new name will be bringing in a wilder range of audiences. Side note bread crumbs are banned from the park as of next season.

Chessington World of Adventures Zoo Rentals Go Live:

It seems Chessington are planning on renting their goats to those who fancy having the bragging rights about owning a Chessy goat for 5 nights for a bargain price of £75. Unfortunately, there’ll be no annual pass discount & no food included, it’s recommended you visit your local farm shop to buy their food prior to going ahead with this rental. Disclaimer: do not feed after midnight.

Exclusive Dialling/Competition Available at Blackpool Pleasure Beach:

By the sounds of things Pleasure Beach will be allowing visitors to dial a seagull to receive their chips back which has been pinched. Just visit guest services during your visit to give them a call (please don’t actually do this lol). Keep a look out for the golden chip to bag yourself a ride on Valhalla once it reopens (T&Cs apply).

Amity Cove/Stealth Receives A Ford Sponsorship:

A brand new IP is set to feature over at Amity Cove. It looks like stealth will be themed to Ford and the carriages will feature a Ford Fiesta themed. Alongside this brand new re-theme we can expect Ford World rather than Ferrari World, which will have smaller attractions installed including fill your car & change your window wipers. As well as these changes the speed will be matching the National speed limit & seat belts are essential else you will receive a fine.

The New Queen Of Speed Taking Over The Dark Forest:

Not many agree that Rita was pretty decent as it stands. So Alton Towers have gone all out for the 2022 season & Rita will be renamed to BeatHer and the speed will increase by 1mph (to match the name of course).

Thorpe Parks Brand New Dry Ride:

Now that my RMC blog post I shared the other day is almost irrelevant as Thorpe Park have their next ride planned already. A brand new worlds first water ride to feature no water. I think the ride’s slogan is either say no to water or say no ponchos (TBC). 

Infusion’s Smoothing Project:

Commonly known as one of the roughest UK rollercoasters. Well not anymore, as of 2022 it’ll receive brand new wheels which will be square shaped to allow a smoother ride experience..

Well, I have chuckled all the way through writing & creating these images. I also hope you guys also joined me in having a little laugh. I’d love to hear some of your guys wildest & unrealistic (that definitely will NEVER come true) theories in the comments or across my socials!

Thank you so much for reading this utter ramble of crap haha!

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